Star Wars: The Clone Wars
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  • Avoid this movie at all costs, especially if you're a fan of Star Wars

    • by David Finniss


      The term “childhood rape” is thrown around a lot nowadays. It seems like every movie now in some way, shape, or form rapes somebody’s childhood. People threw it around when Bay’s “Transformers” came around or when Lucas made the prequel trilogy. I myself felt the epitomy of childhood rape came in the form of “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie”. No one, not even the most hateful of internet nerd could’ve seen the horror that was lurking towards us. Horror is the only word that comes close to describing what I endured last night. If you are the sort of masochist who really wants to have his childhood raped, you should check out “Star Wars: The Clone Wars

      This CGI piece of crap was released as a

      pilot for the upcoming CGI tv show that takes place between Episodes II and III. We already had a decent movie and a well received “mini show”, so clearly the story of the clone wars needed another movie and another tv show.

      You may think I’m being too harsh on the film, I’m really not. The CGI is terrible, the script is terrible and the voice acting is terrible. There is no redeeming factor to this film. Even the awesomeness of Christopher Lee’s voice does little to ease the pain of watching this movie.

      If it had just been the characters giving each other stupid nicknames like “snips” or “skyguy” or “stinky”, I could’ve let it go, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. First off,

      • the Star Wars theme doesn’t play in the beginning, nor is there the trademark opening crawl that opened every other Star Wars movie.

        The story involves Jabba the Hutt’s son being kidnapped. Yes, Jabba the Hutt has a son, named Pizza..ok that part’s not true but still, the idea is dumb. Both the Republic and the Seperatists are vying for the Hutt’s allegiance as safe passage through his territory is a vital asset.

        That’s really all there is to it. Aside from that all we get is stilted dialogue, ho hum action scenes and a movie that seems to go on forever. R2 has a few glorious moments but that’s not enough to carry the movie.

        The droid soldiers are really stupid. I mean

        that literally, they’re morons. I don’t remember them being so inept.

        Avoid this movie at all costs, especially if you’re a fan of Star Wars. Even if you’re not, if you’re a film buff in general, you should stay away from this film as it botches pretty much every aspect of film making.

        I don’t know how long this movie is, most animated movies are usually about 90 minutes, this one went on forever. It felt like it would never end, which made the agony of watching it that much worse.

        Those of you who thought that Indy 4 raped your childhood, you truly have no idea what childhood rape is. This movie has raised the bar and achieved a new high in destroying beloved childhood franchises. It’s just…ugh.

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    The review was published as it's written by reviewer in February, 2009. The reviewer certified that no compensation was received from the reviewed item producer, trademark owner or any other institution, related with the item reviewed. The site is not responsible for the mistakes made. 112702610340528/k2311a0227/2.27.09
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