Vampires Suck Extended Bite Me Edition (Blu-ray)
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  • The plot of the movie I think is the first two Twilight movies in one
  • Some of those scenes where the sound matters can be heard, but I couldn't mind noticing that a few times during Vampires Suck I actually had a tiny problem hearing the dialogue


    • by Sami Oughanem

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      And the movie starts off with a battle between Team Jacob and Team Edward. Thank you Vampires Suck for starting things off not so right and it continues with Edward getting fully naked and a disco ball is his penis…oh man all the vampires look it too. The fun just continues with the leading lady listening to only songs about hating her family, everyone in town and everything around it is vampire related, and the father comments on his daughters tits.

      Yes this is one of those stupid movies that makes fun of one main topic and then adds in little things to ruin the entire thing. The whole “new girl” thing drags on way too long and it gets real good when a Chinese guy punches our leading lady in the face and then introduces himself. What is the point to this? Was


      this the only way to show that he sells condoms, test answers, and human organs in his book bag?

      Oh man they even have a joke where a teacher brings up how Becca (the leading lady) and Edward will be a couple and spawn movies and books together, based on their love. Does this thing write itself? Talk about funny and I literally only brought up the first 10 minutes of the movie. It just keeps getting better; I mean they throw in an unnecessary black joke for what? That joke isn’t even funny and…it just was tasteless on the writer’s part.

      Penis jokes start almost right away and fart jokes start to get heavy at the 25 minute mark. Vampires Suck did teach me that vampires like to eat Count Chocula, vampires kill people with guns, they wear bling…I could go on forever. I don’t

      really know how to really talk about this movie other than bringing up some of the jokes. They aren’t funny.

      The plot of the movie I think is the first two Twilight movies in one. It is sort of hard to tell since it jumps back and forth and then we have all that random stuff thrown into the mix. I could be wrong to tell the truth, they throw in so many unfunny jokes in this movie you’ll start to think you’ve been kidnapped by some Germans and your forced to watch Vampires Suck until your loved ones pay the kidnappers five million dollars.

      Thank the blu-ray Gods because this disc has two versions, the theatrical cut and the extended unrated cut. There is an extra 1 minute and 30 seconds on the extended cut. Who really cares about that extra minute and a half?

      The ...


      • Vampires Suck Extended Bite Me Edition (Blu-ray)
      1.85:1 aspect ratio encoding are nice, however you can sit there and point out all of the CG work and some of the scenes that are not real. I have got to give them credit for making this a nice looking blu-ray, but when you can see how fake the movie is that sort of takes away from some of the magic, even though the movie didn’t have too much magic after all.

      Vampires Suck has a 5.1 DTS-HD sound mix is a bit too much for this movie. Some of those scenes where the sound matters can be heard, but I couldn’t mind noticing that a few times during Vampires Suck I actually had a tiny problem hearing the dialogue. I checked my television and it was nothing wrong there. Guess they knew the movie was horrible when putting it on blu-ray?

      So how about

      those extras? There is nearly 13 minutes worth of deleted scenes, all of which are pretty gay. I never understood why studios don’t add these deleted scenes into the director’s cuts or extended cuts. All they do is add in dumb stuff that nobody will notice. I mean this disc already had a gag reel and a trailer for extras, would it have mattered if those deleted scenes made it into the extended unrated cut? No it wouldn’t have mattered.

      This movie is terrible! Why I put myself through this thing is beyond me, maybe my brain is partly fried from bad movies. The humor is never funny or clever. I seriously think two retarded monkeys made this movie while rolling around on beach balls. I’d have to say pass on this movie. Don’t even pick it up to look at or surely don’t rent it or buy it.




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