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  • Miley Cyrus’ song “Can’t Be Tamed” comes to mind when I think of his mane

    • by kirbystar7
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      Robert Pattinson went from the average struggling actor to a common household name in a blink of an eye – literally. I constantly come across his hardly impressive tale of sheer luck that shot him to superstardom. Apparently Pattinson was about to be evicted from his humble abode right before he miraculously landed the role of vampire Edward Cullen. I will go ahead and admit that celebrity gossip is a personal guilty pleasure of mine.

      Needless to say, I am light years away from being Robert Pattinson’s number one fan. Aside from the apparent utter devotion and exorbitant amount of time that entails this title, a modicum of admiration is expected; this, I undoubtedly lack. Robert Pattinson is hot, but I will not go as far as to say that I am a fan – I simply refuse.


      I find it disturbingly difficult to find a reason to start with, there seems to be a plethora of explanations for my lack of support for the greasy haired heart throb. There we go. I cannot stand his greasy hair, and thus, lack of personal hygiene (Pattinson has admitted to this on several different accounts – moreover, tune into any given interview and see for yourself).

      Edward Cullen’s hair is perfect, gorgeous, etc. Robert Pattinson’s hair is anything but. Miley Cyrus’ song “Can’t Be Tamed” comes to mind when I think of his mane.

      Come to think of it, it can be tamed – Pattinson simply does not want to lift a finger to make it look half decent. The image of his hands running through the pile of congealed oil sitting on his head is enough to ...


      • make my skin crawl. I am still unable to fathom that I felt inclined enough to pay ten bucks to sit through two hours of Pattinson’s emo-fest in the movie Remember Me.

        My theory is that he crawled from his trailer in his own personal wardrobe, sprinted through hair and make-up for the sake of camera lighting, and effortlessly mumbled his lines as he struggled to stifle his British accent while enjoying the free booze and cigarettes. Robert Pattinson was paid to be himself on film? Life never appeared to be simpler for this bloke. Money does grow on trees, just ask Robert Pattinson.

        I conclude that Cedric Diggory died in Harry Potter and was bitten and saved by his new vampire daddy to become Edward Cullen and subsequently gave up his immortality to be a burnout in

        Remember Me. I could sit here and go on and on about Pattinson’s hygiene (or lack thereof) and his acting (in) capabilities, the latter would probably never cease. I will wrap up by saying that I have great difficulty believing that Robert Pattinson is human.

        I am simply waiting for tabloids to notice this detail and investigate. His human reactions appear to be inadequate. He recently mentioned frequently tuning out when amidst seas of fans screaming at unbearable decibels.

        While this is understandable, his personality and feelings cannot be determined. He is not stoic, he is not passionate, he is not arrogant, he is not humble, and he is not charming; Robert Pattinson is simply not. His undeniable popularity and sought after lack of talent is the only thing detaining me from believing that he is a figment of my imagination.




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    The review was published as it's written by reviewer in June, 2010. The reviewer certified that no compensation was received from the reviewed item producer, trademark owner or any other institution, related with the item reviewed. The site is not responsible for the mistakes made. 5221061151210630/k2311a0621/6.21.10
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